Becoming the parent was the easy part- thinking back to how difficult I found the "wait" and filling out the paperwork, and then the wait and the paperwork and the wait.. did ohh-and did I say wait-laugh. The lack of information through the whole process as the years and months passed was very difficult- especially after I saw the children's photos. But then one day- that day I'd been dreaming of- with my heart racing- I went to visit the orphanage-to meet, to touch my little angles I've been imagining for so long. That day was beyond anything I could have imagined and every day since has followed in those footsteps. Getting on the plane and "becoming a mom" was the easy part- each day since "feeling like a mom" has been much much more difficult.
The highs are as high as I've experiences as are the lows....and the in-betweens are full of laughter and grinding my teeth. Is everyday good- no of course not-but the good moments outweigh the challenges- even it the good lasted 10 minutes and the remaining balance of the day terrible. Is it getting easier- sure it is.. I find every couple of months- I think to myself- we feel like a family now. Of course, I still recall what my life was like before they joined us- and I treasure those days- sometimes wondering why I didn't treasure them even more when we had them.
But mostly- I've enjoyed watching Denis grow into a father, I've enjoyed feeling and reflecting on the changes in myself as I "become a mom"- and the amount the children have changed is no other word but "shocking"! I've learned to laugh -at everything- from poop on the carpet, the mistakes I make, the mistakes they make... I just laugh... oh and when I'm not laughing I breath deeep very very deeep..I've never inhaled so much oxygen.
So in a nutshell - I've learned that "becomming" a mom to two toddlers at the same time is about letting go and when I can't "let it go" -I've learned to privately cry or put myself in a time out. I've learned to try not to "sweat the big or the small stuff". It's simply about letting go of everything- and just going with the flow of things. Yes, this means you will use items that later will not be determined "safe", yes they will see a movie- you would perhaps later "wished you didn't show them", you will say things and teach them things- you shouldn't have. Yes-other peoples kind suggestions will get exhausting, and on some days other people's stares or comments will "get to you". Yes, they will puke on your leather seats, and on your cloth ones, and in your bed and drool in your mouth. You will learn how to do dishes and laundry like never before (you will find that parenting is more than 60% cleaning up after the children-only now you'll find you sing while you are doing it). They will drive you crazy absolutely crazy and when you've reached your limit- they'll push you off the cliff- of course you might hear them add in an Ooooppps.. as you're falling. You'll learn a new respect for your family and loved ones and wonder how you ever survived your own childhood.
Some of the best parenting advice I've been given is "throw away all of the sharpies"- "wing it while being the best you can be", and "laugh often". I've failed at all of these-but I've learned as I messed up, I've laughed while falling off the cliff, and I've forgiven myself for my mistakes.
My time out's over- back to parenting...
Referral photo - December 2008
Opening Gifts from 2 and 4 Birthday Party - October 2009
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3 comments:
What an amazing journey you've been on in the last 6 months! I really treasure the experience & the advice of those who have gone before me! I'm bracing for the joy and the pain! And thanks for reminding me to register for a mat under that high chair!!!
What an incredible Journey.
And should there be a Sharpie laying around that you forgot about, Magic Eraser for just about anything and baby wipes to get it off the skin! One can never have enough Magic Erasers and baby wipes when there's kids around. :-)
I tried to comment when i first read this but i was on the train.
this is so so beautiful. in my experience as the mom to a seven year old that i gave birth to the feeling of being the mom comes and goes. especially when he does something extraordinary i feel disconnected - my part in his being on this earth is small small small.
one day my husband actually gave my 4 year old son a sharpie (I slept in late - all the way to 8 am) when i asked why? my husband said my son asked for a permanent marker, he didn't want the wash out kind.
hmmm.
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