Thank you for Hanging in there..

Our lives have taken an interesting twist in the past few months and thus a new blog has not yet been designed as promised. Thank you for hanging in there with us.

My brother in-law that we are very close to (one of our children's god-fathers) has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. We as a family are adjusting to this news. Although -how one ever adjusts to "planning" on the loss of a loved one that is close to ones own age, is a mystery to me.  I do believe however that despite what I thought-I'm excited to say that we will be heading off to Norway for the holidays soon- I'm just saddened by the reason ..........and even more so that we will not be bringing our children because we sat on their refinalization-and as of today-they do not yet have their passports. Although- It is exciting to think of having time with "just" us again...

Our business was keeping my dear husband out of town  most of this past fall- and when he was here-he was primarily focused on work.  Because of this- in the past three months- personally I like to believe that I have grown in strength as a mom. Still far from perfect-laugh. But I must admit- I became quite the competent family member-laugh.

My husbands travelling makes me think of those families with loved ones in the military on extended assignments and how strong and creative the resident parent must be. My heart goes out to them this holiday season and I am no longer just thankful for the freedom that is provided for my volunteer work as I can go freely back and forth to Africa and Europe simply because of the color of my passport--but now-also I think to the sacrifices their families are making for that freedom. Thank you....

As for me and my personal growth, I've been focusing on the details of running my non-profit. Now that I've seen some success and an interest in it-I'm truly inspired. So, although I am not a web-developer- I'd love it if you'd check out www.hayelkidsaid.org.  It's been up and running for only a couple of days now and it's not perfect but I'd say it's not bad for a first try!

I'm also working with a friend to create a travel company in Ethiopia. We are in the process of buying a vehicle as I write this and I'll be heading out this spring for an un-determined amount of time to work on both the non-profit and our travel company.  Yes, my return to Ethiopia this time is for an extended amount of time and the length is as of now un-determined.  Planning an extended move while all of the above pieces and parts of our lives are also moving around is proving quite challenging.

The name of the Travel company will be Exodus Travel. We've had about 10 customers in the past month or so and things are going well- although it's not yet with out it's hick-ups and we are still in the licensing process I remain hopeful. I can't wait to say more about this in the future.

So many transitions, so little time.  I hope to create a new blog -but I am looking for one that is not blocked in Ethiopia at this time and blogspot is. It seems to me that it would be exciting to blog about my impending departure from America to slowly becoming an Ethiopian Resident. So many questions yet-to be answered.

So, for those of you watching our lives- I hope this post keeps you hanging on. Someday soon- when the "dust settles" around us- I will start again.

Thank you for all of your support both those silent readers and public ones.  It's been nice to share our journey.  BTW - our kids- they are sooo amazing and the highlight to each and every one of my days!

Truly they are my sunshine in these otherwise cloudy winter skies...

Habtamu -Wow- look at the growth!

I came across a pair of pants today that Habtamu was wearing the first week we had him. 

He was in 2T- Now he's wearing 5T... 

Here is the Difference since May 5th of 2009 -(Today is March 6th 2010-10 months later).  

Thank goodness for my Sister-inlaw and her graciously giving us clothes for him!

tying a knot at the end of my rope and hanging on

Our kids have been home from everything they attend "mostly" for close to 6 weeks now-with the occasional break.  


They have been sick-either with colds, staff resistant infections or some other nutty health related reason and I am going completely insane. Warm weather pllllllleeeeaaaassseee come soon!!! 


Thank goodness I got to go to Chicago last weekend- as I came home to one of Habtamu's molluscum contagiosm "wart things" on his face completely inflamed to the size of a golf ball. NO Joke.  These things have been the most challenging part in terms of health in our adoption adjustment.  Can I just say how much I hate them!!! Debritu's finally went away in August and Habtamu's are still hanging around. Sure wish they were not on his face!  He's been home all week as we've been going to the doctors every other day- in hopes that the swelling in the tissue will reduce and they can operate on it to relieve the liquid pressure under the skin.  Not that I'm thrilled to have his face operated on by any means.  


He seems to be regressing and having a bit of trauma around the pain associated with this experience.  He's displaying an array of behaviors we have not witnessed since he first arrived- bursts of undefinable crying fits, emotional instability, clingy and then removed.. he's even playing games using Amharic that we haven't seen in months..  This week has been the hardest for him and for us (hardest in a long long time that is).  


Debritu is doing really well at the moment- her colds are currently gone (thank goodness they are taking turns on their illnesses) she is just fully blossomed (I hope) in her terrible two's and is challenging everything we try to do with her.  She's a very strong willed girly girl being raised by a bit of a tom boy-laugh.  Never did I see the day where I'd enjoy a tea party, painting nails, braiding hair, and trying on different shoes.. but she loves it all.. if it's girly- it oooozzzesss out of her-laugh.  Truly enjoyable outside of her temper tantrums... she's just as moody as Habtamu these days-laugh.


sorry- I haven't posted in a while- I'm busy tying a knot at the end of my rope and hanging on.. wish me luck!

Hair....Hair... Hair....

I've spent the past 9 months doing Debritu and Habtamu's hair.  We've purchased and tried so many different products.  I wanted something I wouldn't have to mail order everytime we needed product and found that I like Virgin Coconut Oil and Argan oil so far for Debritu's hair and Habtamu I use the Argan oil but he doesn't seem to need any "special products". I'm still searching for a conditioner or shampoo that we will be happy with. So far I seem to like the olive oil products-but the decisions not made there yet.

The Argan oil at Sally's worked so much better than the Moroccan Oil from my hair dresser- I have to use less of it and it costs a fraction of what the Moroccan Oil does at the hair salon.
Argan Oil:

http://www.sallybeauty.com/moroccan-oil/ONEONL16,default,pd.html

Coconut Oil- I love it.  Fill the sink up with warm water- put the coconut oil in a plastic cup and warm it in the water in the sink- then condition their hair and then add probably two tbls of the warm oil to Debritu's hair-less to Habtamu's and let it sit in their hair while they are in the bath. I've tried it on their dry hair before washing but it takes too much product... I've been trying differerent products out and am not ready to recommend one-but I have tried an organics warming oil purchased at Price Chopper, Spectrum Naturals: Organic coconut oil, at walmart (although I'm not a huge fan of walmart shopping-it's in a green bottle), one from Vitamin world and one from GNC.

If you are working with textured or curly African hair products-what are the Shampoo and Conditioning products you use that you don't have to "buy online?" 

First 2 Weeks at OneTrueMedia.com

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Adoption, hospital, RSV and our puzzle master

Habtamu gets sick:

Habtamu survived his first sick visits at the hospital this week.  Wednesday night he was coughing a lot.  Then the next morning - he seemed to be improving-but by 11am he had labored breathing and a fever of 103.7.  The labored breathing scared me as he was also pale- I never knew he could be so "pale". His beautiful complexion was blotched with a white "hugh" that made me very nervous. 

I called the doctor for our first "sick" appointment that felt really serious.  At 2:00 we went into the doctors office and they started talking about admitting him tomorrow if this was not the peak of his illness and that we needed to return in 24 hours- in the meantime give him alternating doses of Motrin and Tylenol.  

Would you believe 24 hours later- this kid was wanting to jump around-and outside of a cough- you would have had no idea that he was so close to being admitted due to an inability to get enough Oxygen.  It's amazing!!!   

Sickness and Adoption:

They had to take a chest x-ray of H and I was excited to hear that they were taking an x-ray because it was yet another part of his past that if there were any "problems" the doctor would also find those. It's a weird excitement to know that you don't know your child's past and little things like an x-ray will lead further down that road of understanding.  The doctor walks in the room after reading the x-ray and says to me "how long has he been in the country" for no reason at all my heart starts pounding at this innocent question. OMG-Does she think I beat him- why would she ask that- what did the X-rays show- laugh- what are we about to discover from his past- suddenly- I dont want to know!!!   I carefully say 8 months- she says- hmmm, It looks like he has RSV - and it's not common to see this at his age here and he hasn't had a lot of respiratory difficulties in those 8 months so far-interesting. I breathed out a sigh of relief. Having no idea what RSV was- it was a better answer than well- he show signs of broken ribs in the past or anything.  It was ridiculous really- here I am in the room with my boy who is having trouble breathing and I am worried/excited about what they found on his x-rays.  I take a deep breath and say to myself.. uahhhhhhh Adoption. 

Our Puzzle master:
While Habtamu is home all day (he's contagious) along with Debritu-I've discovered a way to get some time to shower and or check my email-maybe next week I'll test my idea to see if this works for the long run by trying to make a phone call-laugh. 


When Debritu takes a nap I get out a 100 piece puzzle and give it to Habtamu to complete.. This gives me an hour to an hour and half of piece and quiet.. WOOO HOOO... The kid loves loves loves puzzles. 


We have a 300 piece puzzle he still hasn't completed it on his own-but I don't think it will be long before he's ready to do it.  Imagine- what I can do with all that "free" time when he's doing 300 piece puzzles. Bring it on Baby!

It all happened so FAST

8 months ago I became a new mom of 2 new little ones... Sometimes-It seems like the other day-we accepted the "referral" of a 14 month old "baby".

While I am still learning to answer to "mama" and "come" and "respond to help"

She is now- 5 inches taller, walking, talking (bossing), wearing big girl panties, using the toilet and wow -this past week she's been preferring to sleep.... in a "big girl bed".  It's amazing- every step of the way- we've rejoiced her accomplishments and yet.... where did the little girl that could fit in my arms and was sucking on that bottle go??

Tonight- we celebrate the move- from Crib to toddler bed.... and in between my tears I am thinking "you go girl"... Be all that you can! We love you.

First "family" cold... AaaaCccchhhhhhuuuuu

Well- we're just about finished with our last family cold. Denis got sick when we visited our friends house (on the way home) last week- and this week the rest of us have been down with the same cold.  Denis was miserable- like a little boy last week- and now this week- Habtamu, Debritu and myself have all been "below the weather". Which if you are from New England - is pretty darn low-laugh.  How did we keep ourselves entertained.

The kids got to see some Winnie the Pooh and their first Sesame Street Video's on Television.  Kako (Debritu) is now saying "Pooohhh" and "Elmo" at the Television-laugh- so quickly they learn since TV is at a minimum at our home under "normal" circumstances. We practiced our coloring and lettering, and then letters, colors and numbers again and again :-).  Habtamu is struggling with his little d, little p and little b currently.
We're playing with our puzzles and other "sitting" games.  Kako  keeps wanting to take baths-laugh.  She's running into the bathroom saying "shower" or crawling into the bathtub.

To prove that I'm nuts-We've brought the little kid bikes into the house (?) and we're keeping sugared up on juices and then "sitting some more"...  The crock pot is "fully employed" making us our dinners... can you say Chicken soup and more chicken soup??

I'd take a picture of the big box of tissues-- or our big red noses-but decided a few simple words would be fun too...after all- a picture of me as a sicko on the internet- hmmmm. yuck-laugh.

So AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHCHOOOOOOOOO ... and don't forget to take your vitamins-laugh.

Hugs and "sniffles",
Kim

5 month summary-from "mom"

Wow- has it really been "only" 5 months that Habtamu and Debritu have lived with us?  Evelyn's post got me thinking - sure - I've told you a lot from Habtamu's perspective- but what about as a new parent- what about bringing them home- to America.  I look back and there is so much to write I'm not sure how to summarize it all.

When we first got home I felt like "what did we do"??? It was awful and I cried all of the time.  I push people away when things are difficult and that's exactly what I did.  That big no no- it takes a village kept running through my head-but Kimberly-what does she go and do? -She boxes up.  I mostly cried in the shower- it seems to be the best place to cry- the kids don't see you and the crying part is exactly the emotional release you seem to need.  These little people-I has spent the past 3 years focuses all of my dreams and desires on- wanted all of my attention-but I was not emotionally available for them.  They went from living with a staff to living with us- and then Denis went back to work and it felt like it then moved onto "living with just me".  I reached out to Early Intervention with Debritu and had her evaluated- she qualified.  So these wonderful individuals came to help with her developmental needs- this gave me an hour 2 days a week to spend with Habtamu- who didn't speak english and was all over the house.   We didn't spend much time at home. That first week Denis went back to work I drove all over New England with them in the back seat of the car.  We drove and we talked.  It was the only place I felt calm- "well sort of".  I was emotionally exhausted. We went everywhere. People thought we were doing Okay- sure on the outside...laugh.

1 month into having them here- the kids are very social- so we put Habtamu in Summer school. This helps with Debritu's needs-and Habtamu's needs as well. School is the best thing we ever did for Habtamu- it provided him the structure and extended English practice he needed.  We still ate mostly Ethiopian food and spoke a ton of Amharic-but their adjustment was going well. Mine on the other hand- wasn't going so well. I wanted out- I started struggling with getting up in the morning. Started to wonder -what did I do to my life- how could I have messed it up so badly?

2 months- I started to enjoy them more- the time I spent with them didn't feel so forced. We feel in love with the referral photos- and then with them personally while in Ethiopia-and wondered. I wondered how could I have done this to them and to myself?  Was this really a mistake- but I really liked being with them- it was just still really really difficult.  At the end of 2 months we started going out more... Life did start to really resemble a bit of our old lives.  Hubby stuck with me- gave me evenings off - and came home with wine and flowers regularly-laugh.
3 months- Realized I hadn't been focusing on myself at all- and swore that I wouldn't do that when I became a mother.  Started researching new gyms and looking for more babysitters. Started to consider daycare and work for Debritu and myself.  We started to look "outside" the windows of our home and realize what was going on.
4 months- ahhh- joined the gym again, ran my first 5K in a while-realized how badly out of shape 6 months off can hurt the body that has been finding solace in Wine and Cheese-laugh.  Went to the movies- with my husband- wooo hooo! Still have this aching feeling that the children have "borrowed" my best friend for a while- and I'm not sure if I'll get him back- that's still out to be determined-but It took a little while to realize how much I wouldn't see him when the kids came.  Now, I either go out-or he goes out. That's the tough part of not having family around- it costs a lot to always hire babysitters.
And well- now we are into month 5 and as a family we still have a long way to go. I take deep breaths and lean on meditation to get me through the screaming children in the grocery store, try to remember compassion when listening to others-even though I am often burnt and ashamed that my mind is wandering and thankfully - I now feel that I'm ready to return to work-and that the kids are going do very well. And of course- I still question Our sanity- after all - it's worth a good laugh when I think back as to my dreams during and before our referral and realize that many have come true- and many, well many- were fabulous fantasies..

I'll end this exasperatingly long post by saying-We're getting use to being a family-and things are slowly becoming very enjoyable.  I don't express how difficult it all is when I'm out -because I don't want it to be something when I do have adult  time that my spare time is focused on. There is much more laughter in our home and with all the tough times- there have been a remarkable number of good times.  Yes, I still cry in the shower- and I'm nervous about leaving the work I've done for the past 5 year and finding a new job-away from my husband- and life is well- confusing. But with out the changes- wouldn't we be bored?  What would a life with no changes be like?

Growth After Adoption- year 1

Habtamu has grown 6 inches in the past year and Debritu has grown 4.5 inches. He has gained 10lbs I think.
Habtamu was wearing 2T on Referral and is now in 4T pants and 5T shirts (13 months later!). Debritu was in 12 month clothing and is now in the 24month-2T range. Debritu is also in the 10lb range for weight gaine.

(The weight gain must be related to all of those runs to McDonalds when they first arrived and I couldn't juggle everything..laugh).

Today Debritu has a Sweater on that Habtamu was wearing when we were together in Ethiopia-and it's only a "little big".  It's amazing to watch these children grow! Thank goodness for hand-me downs!

How do you keep Ethiopian Culture in your kids lives?

The big question for us these days as we juggle preschool, everyday life, mom going back to work-etc.. is:  How to keep Ethiopian Culture alive and active in our lives?  How do you?

So far, our answer is - We have made it a daily part of all of our lives-and are diverse in what we do.  Ethiopia is not something that is just a part of our children's heritage now- but is a genuine part of our day to day lives.

We still Cook Ethiopian food weekly-although not daily-with the fabulous help of our Neighbor making injera for us.  Not sure it would be possible with out her help!!!  In the past month Debritu has decided she does not like to eat with her hands -which is making this more challenging- but we just keep it going.

We just move forward with Ethiopian activities, interests and behaviours regardless of how the children "feel" that day. It is a daily part of our lives and kids change constantly.  At one point Habtamu didn't want to listen to the music-but I would play my favorite songs instead of his that week.  The next week he was back asking for his favorite songs.  When he was saddened- we'd talk about his feelings.. or I'd redirect the discussions to Debritu.

We're still speaking Amharic as best we can-Even Denis has jumped on board. I've found surprisingly that I listen to the Amharic for Adoptive Parents still-to remind us all of some things -Habtamu finds it helpful too- as well as review some of my books.  Sometimes Habtamu tells us great stories of their Ethiopian life as he listens to this cd, sometimes he doesn't want to listen to Amharic and asks me to speak English to him - or to turn on an English song.  I tell him he can answer me in English but I would like it very much if he kept his Amharic.  I ask him to talk on the phone with people from Ethiopia regularly.. Sometimes he doesn't want to- after all he's a kids-mostly he gets excited to do it.  I just work on keeping basic greetings, words of kindness, numbers, colors and names of foods.    

We listening to Ethiopian Music- dance around our living room- and watch videos.  We just watched the latest Teddy concert.  It was awesome to see Teddy up there after the whole Jail thing!  Even though it bores the kids- we sometimes listen to the news (yes in Amharic) and I read Fortune and other news published in Enlish weekly. We talk about what's going on in the country-as well as what is going on in ours.   Movies and videos online help keep the images of Ethiopia alive for the kiddos. It more or less keeps it alive for Habtamu and teaches Debritu.   We celebrate the holiday's here at home and away sometimes.  We make many recipes and have Habtamu help us cook.


The harder part of this- is  we also keep in mind how the culture would have raised the children- although our kids are definately "spoiled" by Ethiopian standards and VERY Americanized-keeping the children in touch with the partenting nature of Ethiopia is more difficult.  When I don't know something- I call our Ethiopian friends and ask... it's fun to have both perspectives-then we chose what works for us.

We've found the Ethiopian Adoptive and Ethiopian X-pat community to be great resources for continuing our work as a multi-cultural family. They both inspire us, encourage us and help us move forward with our desire to keep alive- the multicultural aspect of our "multicultural" family.

We'll be adding in some religious activities-probably mostly on holidays- and travelling to the city more when the kids stop napping at seperate times and we are a bit older.. but for now- we "keep moving forward" growing ourselves in our cultural awareness and as we learn - we're guiding the kids "as best we can".

What are you doing?
How does your family Celebrate either your adoption or the kids culture?


Ameseganalo,
Kimberly
  

Habtamu and Debritu's Great Adventure From Chuko to Massachusetts

In the beginning of December, 2008 (about one year ago this week) our children were relinquested by their family and were transfered into the care and control of Woman's Affairs (a government office) in Ethiopia.  People often wonder the path Ethiopian adoptive children take before they leap or are cuddled up in your arms at home.

Here is what I know of Habtamu and Debritu's great Adventure.

Habtamu and Debritu were transferred from Chuko to Awassa around December 13th then their Aunt Relequished them. The week prior to their relenquishment sounded like a memorable week of love and care as Habtamu will tell you about having dinner with his family, Yeshi (their aunt) washing their clothes and neighbors crying.  They then rode on a horse to the main office in Chuko (southern states) or perhaps all the way to Awassa -then in a car to Addis (the capital).  It seems from Habtamu's stories that is was in Awassa that their Aunt left them for the first time-so I am not sure how many days she was there with them but with in short time they were transferred to Addis.  He tells stories of Yeshi making them fish in Awassa

Habtamu has also indicated that she went to Addis with them- so it is all a little confusing.  I know however-that if it was Awassa or Addis she left- he clearly remembers the moment.  Habtamu will tell you-that the last time he saw Yeshi -that he touched her tears and she turned and walked out the door.
They were later brought to Addis and placed at Horizons House. Initially seperated because Debritu was a baby and Habtamu in the big kids house.   A few months at Horizons house and then the courts changed the way they  were processing Adoptions and they were transfered to AB house.  At AB house (a state run transition home) Yeshi (aunt) visited them and they went to court with her.  Debritu was transferred to Horizons house alone- as they asked for her because I was coming to Ethiopia for some time living there-and later they approved Habtamu as he was not adjusting well without her.  Habtamu has a very special bond with his sister- it's almost like he became her care-taker and it's very difficult sometimes to parent her-with him in the room-laugh.  It's very endearing but also a huge responsiblity for a 3 year old.

A week later I met them. We played together for a couple of months -a few days a week-and then my husband joined me in Ethiopia. We cleared court and Denis made his travel plans. Then- he joined me in Ethiopia and  2 weeks later we came home with the children (in May 2009).

This is their journey to America... Melcome America Habtamu and Debritu.. We are thrilled that you made this long journey to our home.. and look forward to being a part of your story.

Debo Band would like to Return to Africa- check out the link.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/deboband/debo-band-returns-to-africa

Habtamu gets a haircut

Denis took Habtamu - baggie in hand- to get his first American haircut.  It's been 8 months since his head was shaved bald -which was just shortly after I met him.  But I just love his curls-they are so long and tight and shiny. When I would put my fingers in his long soft hair  my heart would ache at the thought of cutting them short.

So after a lot of whining and planning and whining and delaying-ohhh and whining some more-  I finally agreed to letting Denis take him to get his hair cut.  Only there were a few rules:

•  one he had to bring a baggie and save some of his fabulous curls, 
• he couldn't cut it too short 
• and he take lots of pictures.  

While they were gone- I was like a nervous little girl distracting myself by baking cookies and heading to our church for a function:-).

And then.. While I was there-I saw this Gorgeous little boy walk in- I hopped off the stage and squealed.. Now, I just can't take my eyes off him- I'm completely smitten!!!!

Before

During...

SO Handsome!!!!

Death and Adoption

5 months after we adopted our children- introduced them to the family and spent many wonderful moments with the individuals that would be a regular part of their life- the unpredictable happened and Nana died.

We tried so hard to plan everything in these children's lives-taking the recent disruption in their lives into consideration-and wham... our family is hit with one of the most difficult times in our lives-as my husbands mother struggles in a hospital bed for5-6 weeks and eventually passes on.

This note is for you adoptive families- and not something I would normally consider publishing as it is so personal and painful.. but for your children's sake...

What we did well:

• We found a social worker (asked at the hospital) that works with death and dying. Discussed our children's past and how to handle death.
• Found books on the subject-thank you library!
• Took Habtamu (4) to a cemetery and lightly discussed our views on death. 
• Talked a lot about our family-how Nana was gone from our physical lives and included his prior family in this discussion as best we could. 
• Talked about the future as a family
• excluded the children from the wake and Funeral activities
• Went to family event after funeral together as a family.
• Let Debritu spend her birthday night away from us (her first with us) as the next morning was the funeral and night before the wake.
• Hold their "big" joint birthday party AWAY from our home-we all had fun and there was a lot less stress that day- something we all needed
• Have them make art and take it into the hospital.
• Take them to the grave site right after the funeral-on our way home- and let them know that grandma was there now and we could visit her here again.
• We gave Habtamu a job to hug people when they were sad. He liked this very much as he's a boy with lots of feelings and was able to help people.

What we would not do again:

• used a leaf anaylage- because leafs come back-oops (there's this kids book that describes the cycle of life-didn't work so well for us). 
• Tell Habtamu while she was in the hospital and our hopes/doctors hopes for her recovery were high-that she was sleeping so she could get better and when she was able-we'd take her into see her.
• Do a family photo shoot the day after we learned she was not going to stay with us.
• Spend so much time with them in the waiting room- If we'd known it was going to be so long-we'd have found a way to disrupt their schedule less. 

Things we should have done:

• Hired a person to "have fun" with the kids and got more babysitters so we could "address" the difficulty in our lives prior to her death.
• Explained more to the baby about what was going on- even though she couldn't speak or understand everything-sometimes we focus more on Habtamu as he is more "cognitive" of current situations.
• Gone in to visit "nana" together (husband and wife).... before she passed instead of juggling the kids in the waiting room.
• Remembered more about the details of what she was wearing when we buried her -even though family picked this out-because it was important to the kids.

Summary:

They knew their Nana "banana" bi-weekly visits plus Lived with us a few weeks after arrival for a short bit.

They did fine with her departure-although they were impacted and did have feelings about it.

It has not affected their adjustment-that we have noticed-although the disruption in their schedule and the influx of family (and the departure of ) did.

Handling the "nana is dead" statements can be difficult-but they grew as people and we grew as a family through this process.  They saw that families can go through significant difficulty and stay together.

We tried to think of their culture and what they would have seen in terms of a funeral. We avoided all items that would "knit" these experiences- and so far (one month later) we are moving on ***as a family****.

Celebrating the little things..

It's H week at Pre-school. Habtamu had to bring something in that Started with the letter H! (grin).

First Adoption of our Family Turns 7.  Happy Birthday Love!

a note on.. Becomming a mom

Hey- would you believe I've been a mom for 6 months now? Or should I say- are you kidding- it's only been 6 months?? Seriously- only 6 months.

Becoming the parent was the easy part- thinking back to how difficult I found the "wait" and filling out the paperwork, and then the wait and the paperwork and the wait.. did ohh-and did I say wait-laugh.   The lack of information through the whole process as the years and months passed was very difficult- especially after I saw the children's photos.  But then one day- that day I'd been dreaming of- with my heart racing- I went to visit the orphanage-to meet, to touch my little angles I've been imagining for so long.  That day was beyond anything I could have imagined and every day since has followed in those footsteps.  Getting on the plane and "becoming a mom" was the easy part- each day since "feeling like a mom" has been much much more difficult.

The highs are as high as I've experiences as are the lows....and the in-betweens are full of laughter and grinding my teeth.  Is everyday good- no of course not-but the good moments outweigh the challenges- even it the good lasted 10 minutes and the remaining balance of the day terrible.  Is it getting easier- sure it is.. I find every couple of months- I think to myself- we feel like a family now. Of course, I still recall what my life was like before they joined us- and I treasure those days- sometimes wondering why I didn't treasure them even more when we had them.

But mostly- I've enjoyed watching Denis grow into a father, I've enjoyed feeling and reflecting on the changes in myself as I "become a mom"- and the amount the children have changed is no other word but "shocking"!  I've learned to laugh -at everything- from poop on the carpet, the mistakes I make, the mistakes they make... I just laugh... oh and when I'm not laughing I breath deeep very very deeep..I've never inhaled so much oxygen.

So in a nutshell - I've learned that "becomming" a mom to two toddlers at the same time is about letting go and when I can't "let it go" -I've learned to privately cry or put myself in a time out. I've learned  to try not to "sweat the big or the small stuff".  It's simply about letting go of everything- and just going with the flow of things. Yes, this means you will use items that later will not be determined "safe", yes they will see a movie- you would perhaps later "wished you didn't show them", you will say things and teach them things- you shouldn't have.  Yes-other peoples kind suggestions will get exhausting, and on some days other people's stares or comments will "get to you". Yes, they will puke on your leather seats, and on your cloth ones, and in your bed and drool in your mouth. You will learn how to do dishes and laundry like never before (you will find that parenting is more than 60% cleaning up after the children-only now you'll find you sing while you are doing it).  They will drive you crazy absolutely crazy and when you've reached your limit- they'll push you off the cliff- of course you might hear them add in an Ooooppps.. as you're falling.  You'll learn a new respect for your family and loved ones and wonder how you ever survived your own childhood.

Some of the best parenting advice I've been given is "throw away all of the sharpies"- "wing it while being the best you can be", and "laugh often".  I've failed at all of these-but I've learned as I messed up, I've laughed while falling off the cliff, and I've forgiven myself for my mistakes.

My time out's over- back to parenting...

Referral photo - December 2008

Opening Gifts from 2 and 4 Birthday Party - October 2009

5 months in America- a note from Habtamu

Hello Everyone-

I'm thrilled to tell you all that I'm turning 4 soon and I'm soo excited. We get to sing the "Happy Birthday song with Habtamu" in it. I've been practicing and I hope you have too!  This month we went apple picking- you pick fruit called an apple off of a tree- peel the skin off with your teeth and spit it out.  Becareful though- if you spit the peeling out in the house, in the car or onto the floor of the classroom- you get into trouble.  I've learned to ask mom to peel them for me- it saves mom's smile. She gets this aweful look on her face when I spit the peels out.  When we got home we ruined the apples by putting them into bread -something called a pie. It was aweful and I'm not sure why we did that to the perfectly yummy apples.

Debritu says my name... Haaammuuu. And each time she does my heart melts. I can't help but hug her when she says it. It's amazing to watch her learn to speak. I've started to teach her words-especially the ones I've learned. It's fun to watch her try to say phrases- she sounds like a monkey.. ohhhh ahhhh uhhh ohhhh- Haaa mmuuuu (I think she's saying I love you- can't you hear it?).

Daddy went on an airplane to a place with an animal's name. I'm a little confused by this- Daddy says I'm going to Buffalo. It's an animal that looks like a cow and I'm taking an airplane. The important stuff is he came home and he called me before bed time to say goodnight.  The phone call went like this "hi daddy, are you on an airplane?". Daddy laughs. I make daddy laugh a lot-he's easy.

I'm learning how to write my letters -but mom says they are mostly "upside down". It's confusing this up and down stuff but I can draw an H, A, B, T, little a and U.  I find the M difficult.  I have been learning to write my ABC's.  See- AAAAAA BBBBBBB CCCCCCC see... "I show you"  a like this up, down, across. B- looks like glasses, a C-.. seeeeeeee.... from the bottom you go like this- is that right???

This month has been full of school and sitting in this room at this place where we get cookies and there are lots of people in white coats/gowns (like in Ethiopia) walking around.  Mom says we're at a hospital. I keep looking for my doctor but mom says he's not there. No Doctor Dave either. I'm confused-none of my doctors are here.  Mom says Nana is still sleeping. I have to wonder why she needs so much sleep and why daddy has been so sad lately. Nana is amognal.. or sick I've been told-but apparently she really likes her sleep. The hospital has good cookies and mom gets us the cookies and chocolate milk to eat and drink when we are there in the room where we have to "BEEEEE GOOOOD".  If there are not many people we also get to watch TV- sometimes the monkey (singero) named george is playing.  But the best part of going to the hospital is one of the woman in the parking garage speaks Amharic. Actually there are lots of Ethiopian's in the garage. One of them has my sister's name- DEBRITU. I am so excited when we see her.  She is very nice.

Mom has started to tell me I need to learn to "listen"- and she points to her ear.  When I listen I don't always understand what people are saying- I think it's better to talk. Talking is fun- you should try to do it all day long.  People respond in a strange way when you've been talking a lot- they start to go "un hun, or yup, or yes dear, or just a minute.. or Habtamu- please...." Definitely try it-it's much better than listening-and be sure to repeat each sentence 3-4 times at a minimum. It helps you think of the next thing to say before you stop talking.  It also keeps Debritu from getting the attention since everyone says "ooohhh she's soo cute"- of course I agree though- she is sooooo cute- after all she's my sister.

We Celebrated Ethiopian New Year (Melcome addis ahmet) in Boston -I got to wear my cornjo libs (ethiopian clothes) and had a Mescal Celebration (melcome beal) at our friends house.  Our friend has some children but also has a dog named Pongo. I like Pongo very much- he went to the park with us a few weeks ago.  At pongo's house we roasted marshmallow in the rain.  Why can I run and play in the rain and eat candy-but mom won't let me ride my bike in the rain.  I'd sleep with my bike if I could-at least keep it in my room at night so I could hug it when I wake up-but mom says it stays outside.

Well, we haven't seen our friends much this month but I've gotten to know more kids at school and mom says many of them will be at our Birthday party.  I can't wait to sing the birthday song with you.

Hugs and Love,
Habtamu

sleep baby (ies) sleep

Sleep Baby Sleep.. a cute little lullaby.  It's a quiet afternoon here- which is very unusual-now a-days it always feels like the circus is in town-and living at my house!  Do you have a picture of you sleeping as a child? I have lots- perhaps it's the only time I stood still long enough for my family to take pictures- who knows (grin)- but I couldn't resist sneaking in - and stealing a little reminder for myself- "look they really can be quiet sometimes" .

Sleep, baby, sleep
Your father tends the sheep
Your mother shakes the dreamland tree
And from it fall sweet dreams for thee
Sleep, baby, sleep
Sleep, baby, sleep

Sleep, baby, sleep
Our cottage vale is deep
The little lamb is on the green
With snowy fleece so soft and clean
Sleep, baby, sleep
Sleep, baby, sleep

4 months in America- A note from Habtamu

Mom said it was about time for me to write another note. This month we spent a lot of time outside.

We went to the zoo a couple more times-it's interesting this zoo place. We go and mommy spends money to see animals that are native to my homeland.  We see Monkey's from Awassa, Camels from the Afar regio-only with out the grumpy Afar people protecting them.  I got to ride a camel here in America. I had not had this opportunity in Ethiopia-they are bouncy bouncy when you ride them.  Many of the animals- the crocodiles, the wild boars, the lions, the other monkeys, the donkeys and the sheep/goats are all from Ethiopia.  It's funny that they keep working animals and the animals we eat in cages to pet.  I wonder if they will ever eat them?   Mommy always tries to use the amharic name and the english name of the animals.  It's fun to see these animals so close up and not have to shoo them off the dining table because they want my injera as we had to do with the little monkeys in our village- or run away when we see them (like the lions).  I didn't like when the lions were around- or when the bad weather came because we'd sometimes bring the cow (s?) inside our house.  Here the horses do dances and run in circles jumping over things. In Ethiopia they are like cars here.  We ride them and go to places on them.  It's very strange this dressing up your horses and making them run in circles around crowds of people for them to clap.

I started a new school- well actually it's the same school but mom and dad made this big deal of finishing "summer" and it being "fall".  So I guess this is my new "fall" school.  There are some changes though-Miss G- has to pay attention to more children- so I have to speak LOUDER to be heard, there are more children to ride the bicycles- so I don't really get to ride anymore and now I eat lunch with the other kids instead of Kako and mom.   There are some great things though- more kids means more friends and some of my "summer" friends are still there.  "Crazie"... is still there. Everyone always says her name after I say it "Gracie" .. but I'm not sure why.. I then have to say.. "that's what I said "Crazie".  Well, she is funny and I like her a lot.   Here's a picture of me making the most of my bicycle time at home.

Also, we've been to some birthday parties-but they don't have the fireworks that the American b-day party did-but you get to play with other children-just like at the park only in somebody's back yard or in their house-and you get to eat bread with lots and lots of sugar (cake) and sometimes frozen milk (ice cream).

I went to the tooth doctor again- and this time- he removed all of the brown on my front teeth.  Daddy asked him not to give me any needles and the dentist said- "he would try".. it was so much better. It tickled a lot.  When I was all done- I did not cry- and daddy and mommy seemed so surprised.  They kept saying over and over "and he did it with no novicane"... or something like that.  I was very excited and went to school the next day to show off my new teeth.

Debritu has started to talk, and talk. I'm sure you've seen the video- Kako this and Kako that... So, now I have to talk more.  I try to make it so I'm still getting all of the attention but she sure is making it difficult.   Mom went to the doctors for Debritu's warts and she was kind of upset that after months of waiting (I hear her speaking on the phone) that they told her to use something called Duck Tape to cover them.  If it will work on her warts- can we also put it on her mouth?? It was better when she wasn't talking.  Now she's always telling me "no no no". Although- it is better than the biting thing she was doing last month.  Hurting my feelings is much better than biting me.
Mom has started putting veggies in everything- she says she wants me to eat them-but she seems to not understand that I can pick them out.  Someday she'll get the message that "I don't want them". And there's something about getting bigger if I eat them- but I'm questioning this- I've learned that somethings when they get big- it's very painful.  I do like drinking from the boxes in America.  It's funny that you all drink from boxes with straws- but did you know if you blow into the boxes you can make the drink come up the straw and spray everywhere. It's quite fun- you should try it.
Everone that is young and old- seems to call me Hamu. Guess somehow- I've lost the bta... somewhere along the way- I keep telling people "I don't like it" but someday they will get the rest of my name.. I guess 3 sylables are just to hard for Americans?? I'm not sure but my mom's name is "Kim-ber-ly" and everyone calls her Kim- so maybe it's true. - Only time can tell. 
I have noticed that the words we use at school are different than the words we use at home for things.  Mom says it's important for me to keep or learn as much Amharic as possible-but sometimes I find it confusing. Mom and Dad both say it's okay- and that it will come with time and lots of practice.  But I have to now stop saying "I want" and change it to "may I have". They say "may I have" is more "polite" and that it's important to be a "polite" boy.  Not sure what that is... but It makes them happy so I'll give it a try-I like to hear the words "good boy" -they make me smile and laugh.
Kako has tried to pee in the potty a couple of times this month- but it's pretty disgusting when she does. She pees and then uses the soft (toilet paper) to dip it into the pee and then wash her legs with it.  YUCK.... mom really has to help her with this- it's disgusting-but it's better than drinking the toilet water- at least now she's just playing in it!!!
There so many interesting things in America...mom says our adventure is just starting.. but the food. The food is sometimes yummy but mostly not.  I'll keep eating auntie J's injera and my mom's Ethiopian Families berber...

Hugs to you all- and Happy Ethiopian New Year!!!
Love,
Habtamu