I have been thinking about the wait and the referral experience the past few days. I've decide for me- It was kind of like taking a long nap from my life. You wake up energized and renewed.
Before our referral-I had "in my head" that I was doing fairly well through out the wait-but I realized that I had not been doing well in fact. I had a real "light dawning on marble head" kind of moment this morning-laugh.
I said to my DH - I'm feeling kind of motivated this morning. I think he wanted to choke on his cereal-and spew coffee across the table. It looked something like-Hurray.. it's about "freeken time" masked with his loving and caring smile (a funny and entertaining view from my vantage point).
It's hard to say this so publically- but I haven't done a darn thing since I came home from Ethiopia. I haven't participated in supporting my home, getting my certs, I haven't finished opening the non-profit, I've gained weight and not cared-thus not taken care of myself, I've not really caught up with our friends as I have nothing to really talk about. In fact I've done little to nothing.. I have just been existing.
For instance- my calendar-which usually requires much "scheduling" to see people-is literally empty. No church appointments, no volunteering, little work, no social appointments -no life.
For anyone that knows me-and is use to "booking time with me" -this is pretty freeky. I woke up this morning-checked my calendar and thought to myself- how unusual. There's nothing but a hair apt and doctor's apt. on all of January. hmmm. Sure- I have my bouts of exhaustion where I cancel-but it's usually due to over-doing it. Have I been "hybernating" like a bear perhaps? I know I've been growling like one-laugh.
It looks like- - I got quite "depressed". Today it's kind of like waking up.. Not so much that it's freeky- I mean obviously I knew I was bummed out-but perhaps keeping myself busy enough to not notice how "bummed".
So with out further adieu- it's time for me to get back in the game. I've got a lot of catching up to do.
If your a close friend or family- you are probably saying- hey dumb ass- it's about time you noticed. Let's get out and play. If your an acquaintance- you're probably thinking- ohh so that's where she went-laugh. But most importantly- if you're a waiting parent- you might want to go and look at your calendar. Is it empty?? Have you crawled into a hole? I know you hear me..
And this blog entry is for you -the ones waiting. I know your dreaming of hearing something about what your family will look like-but it hurts- it hurts a lot-that the dreams turn into this anxious feeling and you are distracted from your life -as you twittle your thumbs and wait painfully for the stork to arrive.
I have one thing to say-Ya know- It sucks.. the wait totally and completely sucks. We got our referral and the whisper of this pain have not yet completely subsided- it's there- in the back of my head along with the joy.
To those of you who are waiting- It's okay-the waiting game sucks!!! You should feel free to jump up and down in your house yelling "this sucks this sucks this sucks". Heck- take it right on out to your front yard and do it- at least that way-you'll likely laugh at yourself.
I don't have to tell you all that there is a light at the end of that tunnel and it's a happy one. What I want to say is that when you get that referral- you'll feel like you "woke up"- and you'll be energized again. So, the heck with it- if you're not doing "everything" you should be- I say- THAT's OKAY. But you might want to check your calendar and see if it's empty-laugh. Perhaps add a few things on it.
So here's my solemn and truthful goodbye to the waiting part of our adoption. I'm off and running with so much to do.... I mean seriously-is somebody really going to give us kids???
I have to say though- to close this rant-that not once have I thought- Am I ready???
Hell YEAH I'm ready!!!
Hugs to all-you are in my thoughts,
The days on the long road of one families Ethiopian Adoption
This blog started out as a way to record the twists, turns, highs and lows in my families journey to adopt siblings from Ethiopia. Now our children are home and we have just finished celebrating our first year as a family.
I'm Kimberly (or Fendesha), an adventurous person who aspires to be a vagabond- but for now- I spend all of my free time travelling and my down time thinking of travelling. I'm a mom of 3 (the oldest being my gorgeous canine companion), a IT project manager, and on occasion I find myself the primary writer of this blog.
Happy Reading and thank you for stopping by.